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Like a predator from the dark alleys of doubts
It over shadows my moments of self worthiness
For joy is nothing but a momentary lapse of good sense
And it fades away with the curse of unhappiness
There always remained an old city buried beneath this urban landscape
You could live up the dream for a day but its reality you can’t escape
Dreams end and life begins , before you know you are on the other side
Whatever goes up comes down , are the rules of this joyride
The quest for the enigma called contentment is a fable we’ve all heard and told
The happiness is a companion only till the next turn on this road
Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone
There is a strange sense of quiet around me.
Used to wonder if its the proverbial silence before the storm. I practically killed a couple of months hanging around partly pissed off , partly pleased. fluctuating between a state of utter and complete boredom and that of enjoying the kind of worklessness i ve never ever known before .
From feeling absolutely useless through the month , to feeling as lucky as a jackpot winner as i checked my salary account by the end of the month. From getting back to blogging the way i enjoy it to taking as many chuttis as i wish to for travel or festivals or just like thats . Planning a zillion things i think i want to do , and not really doing anything other than cooking like a pro for my dearest hubby feeling like the ever loving housewife by the evening.
The last few months of nothing-ness were packed with a lot of stuff i wouldnt have been able to manage if i was doing something , anything , everything i expect myself to do as a high flying executive.
I used to live each day like it was my last day of life in slow motion. Waiting in a painful anticipation that Very soon I know the life in fast forward would start off.
Sometimes , Songs come to you when you are in a particular state of mind and they whirl around in your head till you break down each word to perfectly make sense of things around you.
Shayad isliye , Tanhai mein fursat di hai .
How much really is too much? What’s the definition of “over doing ” some thing. One would ofcourse have a benchmark for things that can be put on a scale of one to ten – say MRPs of stuff on retail shelves / Quotients ranging from IQs to EQs , perhaps how much your colleague irritated you over coffee when he showed you every damn pic of the place he went to on his recent most trip (while you mentally yawned!)or worse told you how much he’s spending per month on what he buys/wants to buy/wants to go to for a trip etc etc. You know these are things that can be quantified. But i would never understand what one means – over ho gaya ! ( its too much!)
So That was my first thought when i heard “The Girl on the radio” – GM , declare to the world – Do you feel , The media hype around the issue of homo’s is getting too much?
Okay let me clarify something here , am not too much of a ” I believe in everything they say on the TV/ in the papers ” person. I am not a supporter of media – rights and responsibility either. I do believe that they have a lot of power, and then more often than not like most things in life we get for free , its misused . But that doesnt take away the fact that thanks to the way information is now more easily available to all – packaged as sensational or entertaining or plain good old news sometimes .
So here’s what I feel . I dont feel , the hype has been too much. we ve just started to explore this territory in media and to already label it as getting too talked about makes us less open to the issue than we think we are.
I read the story about gay tourism on an uprise myself with a sense of amusement. Ofcourse i dont know how i would react if i come across a gay couple getting cozy at some place i go to , when i am holidaying. but then the idea that people are coming out in the open and living it up and there are people “helping them” do so , is quite heartwarming.
That said, i do feel the depiction of some of the angles to homosexuality by some papers was a little of a put down. i read some people saying how during the queer march some journos were encouraging gay couples to kiss for the sake of a good photo op . i found that as upsetting as i would find a good social cause being used for a commercial purpose . but then thats how world is . and the fact that some reporting werent in the right spirit and were only to get more sensationalism than views in the news , doesnt do away with the effort that a lot of people in media are making in the direction of the cause.
so we are back to the question. how much is too much. no , i think its just the tip of the ice berg. we should start reporting about people who ve so far been social outcasts . and do that in more ways than just write abt the section 377.
its important that we talk about how they are people just like us . their interests , passions , life in general. how they ve seen the ups and downs in life because of certain choices that they have made. coz we need to let our children ( who need to conditioned to accept this reality) and the parents ( who have been conditioned to not accept this reality ) read all those papers and see the news .
This am sure is more pressing than debating about sach ka samna . coz is nt this all about sach ka samna?
There’s this girl on the radio and i think i’ve never had such a mixed set of feeling for a person i ‘ve never met , that i have for her.
firstly , she ‘s an RJ and safely a good one at that( Feeling broadly filed under - admiration) . Her one hour of banter about as per her “things that just dont matter” is one of the shows i try my best not to miss , so much so that i adjust my driving back to home hour as per its relay time ( category- sense of loyalty). she touches upon topics that we wouldnt really now a days chat over coffee with friends , even though they effect all of us and make more than our morning news-page 1 reading . Ironically , that’s something I would rather chat with my colleagues and friends and D every day instead of movie trivia and office gossip , considering our views match most of the time. perhaps coz both of us want to think on a more ‘to each his own’ line ( Feeling – a sense of intellectual connection).
And then there are times i wish i could whack her on her head and sort of root her out of her comfy chair at the studio where she s perhaps sitting and telling the world what she thinks is right/wrong/worthy or not. (feeling – slight irritation bordering on jealousy) . simply put – i wish i had that freedom to go tell the world what i think abt polygamy , open marriages , treatment of women , media’s fascination with homo sexuality .. beep beep beep.
And i cant . I ve been craving for a hearty argument. about something relevant. Something that effects people in more ways than perhaps – the hike in petrol prices and the change in tax policy does.
A lot of times i have held myself back from calling up and telling her what i feel about what she’s taken up as the theme of the day . I end up having this talk with her in my head – even if its as juvenile as my views on ” do you feel you are getting paid enough?!” And i see her wording my thoughts soon enough and i think to myself , perhaps its not really required to do that at all.
so my dear GM , i think i have a better way. and what could be more suited to counter your freedom of expression than , having my own page and yakking at it .. ( feeling – a childlike achievement )
All said and done .. I wish you know how lucky you are to be able to do what you like the best ( i think ) and being good at that too ( yes, that am sure of).
Was browsing throught this e book that got from D , long time back. He said it s quite stunning and that was quite true.
yesterday was a particularly dull and boring day. I had set myself some tasks – professional and personal. and none were being close to met. so the theme of the day was “solemn” ( to put it ultra-mildly)
So finally after browsing on get a ways from chandigarh to exotic places like clouds end et al , which wasnt helping the situation much , i shifted my focus on this book thats been sitting quietly on my desktop – God Debris.
its about this conversation between a delivery boy ( who s the narrator ) who comes to drop a package for this mysteriously curious person , who has one zillion questions and a unique perspective of looking at things called .. Mr Avtaar.
Some breathtakingly refreshing one liners ( & more) jumped at me from the pages of the book.
“when you consider all of the things that can be known , I don’t know much”
do i ? dont i ? thats the quandry . Do i really know everything. what’s everything anyways? its all in the mind . the definition , the context , the knowledge and the perception. the ignorance and the arrogance of knowing it all . the humility of not knowing it all too well , not quite.
the mind is the brilliant trickster , and that takes me to another gem of a thought.
“the human brain is a delusion generator”
Some how I find the idea of a “brain” too mechanical . like an object. on the contrary , i feel “the mind” is a more open sided , free – flowing idea . with no boundaries . but then . .. when you dont have clear boundaries … the chances of one getting carried away from ‘what is there’ to ‘what can be there’ (reality vs eutopia) .
am still reading the book… so the post is WIP
