Tanhai Mein Fursat

There is a strange sense of quiet around me.

Used to wonder if its the proverbial silence before the storm. I practically killed a couple of months hanging around partly pissed off , partly pleased. fluctuating between a state of utter and complete boredom and that of enjoying the kind of worklessness  i ve never ever known before .

From feeling absolutely useless through the month , to feeling as lucky as a jackpot winner as i checked my salary account by the end of the month. From getting back to blogging the way i enjoy it to taking as many chuttis as i wish to for travel or festivals or just like thats . Planning a zillion things i think i want to do , and not really doing anything other than cooking like a pro for my dearest hubby feeling like the ever loving housewife by the evening.

The last few months of nothing-ness were packed with a lot of stuff i wouldnt have been able to manage if i was doing something , anything , everything i expect myself to do as a high flying executive.

I used to live each day like it was my last day of life in slow motion.  Waiting in a painful anticipation that Very soon I know the life in fast forward would start off.

Sometimes , Songs come to you when you are in a particular state of mind and they whirl around in your head till you break down each word to perfectly make sense of things around you.

Shayad isliye , Tanhai mein fursat di hai .

Getting worked up :(

I have some serious issues on work front.

and when i tell people am not happy with my job they wonder whats the fuss about. working out of home , getting twice as much as i was getting last month , better brand to work with. what s the deal?

 

well here are the issues.

1. work culture. or the absence of it perhaps.which is a direct result of the absence of a work place.

2. Team spirit. that is tending to null. coz the team i work with has to be the biggest set of male chauvinists that can possible come under one roof ( huh?) . The spirit ? Whats that ?

3. Challenges. Yes, so many of them . getting approvals from everyone you know in the system . before you think or act or say. quite challenging to keep my cool and be all starry eyed about life when every thing you suggest gets disapproved and everything that they suggest needs an approval too!!

4. Perfect balance between work and personal life. YES one thing that totally balances each other out . Both are non-existent.

Gosh.. i thought this cribbing session would help

but it isnt!!

Am so bored …. :(

 

What’s Up?

What am i doing nowadays?

Writing it down , coz i really feel ‘seeing is believing’

Job front : Am pretending to be busy. Am excited about the supposed new stuff i would be working on BUT its taking too long for me to reach the exact state where the excitement takes the shape of reality and isnt just a figment of my imagination.

Personal front :

1. Am on my own. Taking each day as it comes ( thanks to my job!) .
2. Spending a lot of time reading , browsing and talking to people who , i have reasons to believe , exist. Are they friends? I dont know. but i do know its something i like to do and i am doing it at an alarming regularity( thanks to my job again). So are they friends? Well nope at the last count – there’s not even a single friend i can call and catch up over coffeee / go out for shopping / have a nice long refreshing gossip session with. 
3. Am thinking a lot (now i am gonna stop thanking my job .. coz here on i declare – my personal life is a derivative of my professional life – and that ‘s NOT a good thing please.) 
4. Not really sleeping much!
5. Travelling a lot – to Delhi , Amritsar , Ludhiana , Chandigarh – But ‘market visits’, meeting vendors , trips to warehouse - arent rated too high on my ‘fun things to do’( see didnt i tell you , personal life entwines with professional life & its not easy to distinguish between the two anymore!)

like my sis jokes around with me “what’s wrong with you , you sleep once in a week and eat once in three days!”

When some one used to ask me sometime ( a good era ) back – what’s up?

I would say – My spirits.

and now? I would say , can we have the next question please?